I sit here before my computer, feeling the driven impulse to WRITE… something… but, I have no idea what is needing to come through me. All I know is that I keep opening up my blog with the impulse to write and feeling this niggling feeling at the back of my mind that lets me know there is something there that needs to flow out and… then… I sit in front of this blank screen… a space of complete and utter openness and limitless possibilities… and I wait for the words to flow through my body from my brain to my fingertips that are poised and waiting to fire out the consonants and vowels that form the words… and… nothing.
When this happens, I do what I just did… I write whatever nonsensical stuff comes to me and, often, I judge it as complete drivel because… well… it ain’t nothin’!
However, what I’ve discovered is that, as I do this stream of consciousness writing, I generally bust through the block that is holding me in the ethers of blankness and discover what it is that needs to come forth.
And that is what just happened…
Yesterday, on my show, I had a beautifully profound experience with a Miss ZuLaZuLe that has left me so curious and wondering. It knocked me on my ass, frankly, with the stuff that we talked about off air and the information she shared with me, the information that came through me. When we said goodbye, I sat and stared off into space wondering what had just hit me, what had happened and what the hell happens next.
Sometimes, and I’ve believed this for as long as I can remember and it still seems to ring true, sometimes people come into my life and I am instantly, forever changed. They drop a little nugget of information – or a gigantic boulder – and I can’t unlearn the thing they’ve shown me and, forever, from that time forth I am different.
At times, I wonder what has happened to that Angie I used to be. Where did she go? What is she doing now? Is SHE happy? Because, the Angie that I am here and now – no matter where that other Angie is – is astoundingly happy all the time… even in those times when it seems that I “shouldn’t” be happy… or when I get scared or start doubting. Even in those times, I feel joy and love and peace.
And, Miss ZuLaZuLe opened up a Pandora’s Box yesterday and I am utterly excited and looking forward to what is around the next corner. And the wildest thing of all is… I have no idea what’s next or where I’m going. All I do know is that I am having a continual, visceral experience with the Divine and it’s stunning!