On March 11, I began a meditation process with many people around the world and it has been a powerful practice to add to my day. Beginning yesterday, I noticed how much my thoughts were interrupting the process of fully dropping into meditation. I was doing a lot of planning and searching and “working,” rather than the peaceful surrender of meditation.
Today, my brain was busy enough that I didn’t even hear the centering thought until after we were done with the meditation process and Deepak reminded us to return to the centering thought throughout the day. Ironically enough, the centering thought is: “With awareness, I create healthy habits.”
As I “meditated” today, I noticed my wandering thoughts. I would get out beyond myself quite a ways before I would realize that I wasn’t even aware of my breathing or the music that was being piped into my ears. I also noticed that the left side of my brain was repeating the Sanskrit mantra, “Om Kriyam Namah” but I wasn’t paying attention to that either. I was, pretty much, as far from self-aware as I could possibly be.
For me, I giggled – a lot – during this meditation and, even, sneezed twice which I have never done during meditation. I giggled because I was really aware of how my fears were getting in the way of receiving the blessings of this particular meditation. With the message of “With awareness, I create healthy habits,” my Ego was getting told that I was tuning out to its messages. Fear.
I also had the opportunity to consciously follow the threads of thoughts to see how they were entangled and interwoven, where they led and where they terminated. I got to see where I was perceiving “brokenness” and “need to fix.” I also got to see how much of my brain power is wrapped up in resolving design projects and planning new ones.
In a way, although I thought I wasn’t fully present for the meditation process, I realize now – after writing this – that I actually was present for the entire thing. I was actually doing my process in a way that was perfect for me. It was important that I became aware of my meandering thoughts, worries, and wonders. And, even though I wasn’t focused on the music or Deepak’s words, I was meditating in my way.
Learning that I do things uniquely and that it is good for me, has been one of the most difficult – and liberating – things for me to learn. I process quickly, so often I have already gone through the entire process in a flash and I’m on the other side, “problem” resolved, before anyone else has even closed their eyes. I forget that about myself sometimes.
But it was good to be reminded today.
If you would like to join us, the meditation sign up page can be found by clicking the image above. Also, I would love to hear about your experiences with meditating and the process you go through to find your awareness. Feel free to leave a comment below…