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Clarity.
 
In light of the public and private feedback from yesterday’s words I posted about being witness to successful entrepreneurs here in Salt Lake City and observing that all of them have a partner/spouse who is providing financial support, I’ve had some epiphanies…
 
My original post was started because I’m tired of hearing about how hard things are for the women who have someone providing financial support. There were many responses from women who are married or in a committed relationship, sharing their points of view. I LOVED hearing about all the ways these women are collaborating with their partners. However, every woman who is single and attempting to make it on their own was in full agreement with my post… it IS difficult making it on your own in this world. This is, by no means, a conclusive experiment, but 100% of my single friends in the SLC area who responded are having a similar experience. I am not saying it’s impossible. I’m not saying you cannot have a different experience on your own. I am simply saying: I have experienced this “doing it on my own” for 18 years and have had to live with my father through most of that in an attempt to “make it on my own” as an entrepreneur and healer and it was STILL hard and I never financially succeeded on my own.
 
I saw that I have a belief about what “success” means in the realm of single women and entrepreneurship… I believe success means having the financial foundation that provides for all my needs without stress, without worry, and without going into overdraft. So, when I say I “never financially succeeded on my own,” 18 years later, I still am struggling; I have still not hit my defined level of success as a single female entrepreneur.
 
I developed awareness that I have a belief lingering in there that generating income through healing work is difficult and that, actually, it is a sin. This was enforced when, last week, a loved one gave me the following quote: “We urge church members to be cautious about participating in any group that promises – in exchange for money – miraculous healings or that claims to have special methods for accessing healing power outside of properly ordained priesthood holders.” -Eric Hawkins, spokesman for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints
 
I was born and raised in that religion. Even though I have officially left the church, severed ties, and continually clear all the programming from that religion, there are things that are deeply embedded in my DNA because of that religion. Both sides of my gene pool are heavy with that religion, back to its inception. Both sides of my gene pool have people who converted, immigrated to the US because of their conversion, and then emigrated across the US to SLC – all because of this religion. It’s deep in there, so I am doing everything I can to unwind it and liberate myself from those binding contracts, vows, agreements, constructs, and endowments, and imprisonment that resulted from these binds.
 
I also became aware that I see a huge connection between gratitude and abundance. My post yesterday was a response to the many ungrateful, whiny posts I have seen – and the conversations I’ve heard – over the years where the woman working as a full time “healer” – and maybe a mom too, which is a full time job, I ACKNOWLEDGE THAT! – while her partner earned the income, but she continued to be ungrateful for the luxuries afforded her by that partner… because…
 
Another awareness… I believe it is a luxury to be able to LIVE your purpose without having the weight of being fully responsible for a household. Interesting… that awareness just hit right now.
 
I also uncovered that I believe that women can be successful entrepreneurs without a partner if they are doing work that looks more tangible… photography, taxes or financial services, real estate, business coaching… But I believe that it is more difficult to be a successful female entrepreneur without a partner if the work is strictly etheric, related to energy and healing. So that, along with my religious programming, is what I am focused on clearing and healing now.
 
Also, if you are a single woman, raising children, paying all the bills, fixing all the things, taking care of the leaking roof and broken washer and the dead car and the heavy snow for the 500th time, AND you are doing all this as a full time Healer and THAT is how you are affording to pay for all that AND you’re doing it easefully, without feeling like you’re going to dissolve into tears constantly, AND you’re doing this without any financial support AND you’ve never had anyone financially supporting you EVER… I WANT TO MEET YOU! I want to hear your story. Because I KNOW you can teach me a thing or two or fifty.
 
Please, if you are a woman who is making it in this world on your own as a Healer and a mom, please speak up! So I can love on you and admire you for doing something that I have found to be so difficult, that it feels almost insurmountable…
 
Additional clarification that came in right after I posted this…
 
I’m exhausted. Really tired with my experience. And feeling so unsupported financially. And that stress compounds and turns into a noose for me, at times. I’ve been on my own since 1999. My daughter and I lived in my father’s house and he provided for us so we would have a safe place to live for all but seven years of her 19.5 years. Her entire life, except for the first 10 months, when I was still married and he was working three jobs so I could be a stay at home mom, I have had so much financial stress that I am exhausted with it all.
 
I’m tired of all the married coaches telling me that I have a limiting belief when they are coming from a foundation of partnership. Over Kaitlyn’s life, I have had sooooo many coaches and mentors and healers work with me and every one of them have been in a partnership with someone who is financially contributing to their home and life. And even the coaches who have been bringing in the bulk of the money, they had someone at home, taking care of everything that needed to be taken care of so they could do their work. What I’m saying is doing this world alone IS hard because *I* am the sole source of everything and… yeah… I’m tired.

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