It’s been a couple years now since I made the life-altering commitment: I commit to being fully alive. That moment was one of those moments that someone should have warned me about what was to come. I had no idea what was in store for me. And, honestly, I don’t think anyone could have guessed what was on its way, either.
I’ve gone through an entire shakedown in the process of upholding that commitment. In its wake I’ve experienced: the loss of two businesses, the loss of a job, the deaths of several friends, the loss of my home and most of my belongings, the break-up and re-emergence of my relationship with my best friend, my former husband’s sentencing to a life in prison, the loss of an entire community, the publishing of my first book, my first art gallery opening with my Conscious Art, TWO near-death experiences of my own, the near-death experience of my best friend and her son, connecting with the brilliant minds behind the Migun Wellness Center and the opening of my channeling abilities, just to name a few experiences.
All in all, it has been quite the ride and, at times I have truly wondered if I had gone insane with the rollercoaster of this experience. After working with this commitment for a few years now, what I have come to expect is that my eyes are fully wide-open as I go through life, most of the time. It is quite a trip to actually be able to watch as the dominoes are lined up one after another in succinct perfection. To be in a space where I am being witness to my life changing right in front of my eyes.
Another thing I’ve come to understand is that the Universe is always listening. Even when I don’t speak it out loud.
A few weeks ago, I had an experience where I was listening to the radio while I was parked in some random parking lot. It was a talk show, which is unlike me to listen to, and the psychologist was talking about how one survives and begins to thrive and feel love again after the death of a spouse. She said, “The first step is as simple as simply talking to God, the Universe, your Higher Power, and saying ‘I am ready to love again.'”
I rolled my eyes and may have snorted. Feeling rebellious, my Valley Girl talk rolled through my brain What-EVER!
Then I decided to challenge the Universe. I literally YELLED, “GOD! I’M READY TO LOVE AGAIN!!!”
The joke was on me.
Instantly, my eyes filled with tears, my throat closed off and my stomach twisted into knots. I found myself in a full-on panic attack, with tears streaming down my face. Uh-oh! Me thinketh thou do protesteth too much!
I immediately put out a smoke signal text to Jen to let her know that Houston had a serious problem and then, from there, we did a week of processing to release the anxiety and despair I had uncovered. When that week was over, I felt gentle, tender and raw. Full of possibilities. Ready for the next chapter in my world.
Little did I know it was going to come blasting into my world from a direction I least suspected.
I have been known to say that I am a dunce when it comes to flirting. So, anyone who is interested in me is gonna have to come right out and say so. I also have been known to say time and again, “I’m afraid there isn’t a man out there who can be my partner.” I have a list of things I want to see in a man that matches who I am. I love big, believe in magic and I am capable of things that blow people’s minds. For a man to match with me, he has to be strong in his own gifts, believe in magic, speak my language, understand who I am at the core, adore me, hold his own ground with grace, know himself well enough to not get lost in me and not allow me to get lost in him AND co-create with me a space where we bring out the best in one another. He is kind and strong, a perfect blend of masculine and feminine. He has a marvelous sense of humor and gets my dry wit. He is sexual and sensual, romantic and gentle. He is clear and accountable, able to speak his truth and stick to it. He is lyrical and graceful, while being able to master his mind and know of his soul. He is a master of martial arts and appreciates fine arts. He is a master that is still willing to be a student.
In essence, I created a love spell for a man that could not possibly exist. Hence the reason the movie Practical Magic speaks to me…
The other day, I came home from meeting with a client. My joy level was so high I altered the energy of the entire household the moment I stepped into the room. I felt joy because I could see the dominoes stacking up in front of me… all the things that have been put into place since I entered massage school in June 2004 til now… all the things that were lining up right in front of my eyes and I was witness to myself setting into motion a string of events that would alter my life forever, for the good.
I shared with Kait and my father the experience I had had that day, Wednesday, December 22 and the more I shared, the more lit up Kait got. By the end of my sharing, she was bouncing around with joy and sent me a text – so she wouldn’t interrupt the story, “Do you wanna go for a walk with me?”
So we bundled up and headed out for an hour long walk. We talked about the changes I saw coming for me and our life. We talked about magic. We talked about getting our wishes granted. We talked about love and about joy. At some point she said, “I am just SO happy! I don’t want to go back home. I want to stay out here with you, where magic is possible and welcomed!”
I experienced just how contagious joy truly is that night. And, in case you’re wondering how all of this ties together… I’ve met a man who matches my description. He is real!
Where we go from here… it remains to be seen. All I do know is that my world opened up Wednesday to the limitless possibilities of love and joy.