I dreamt last night of the open road. I was on a “hog” of a scooter, feeling the wind in my hair and appreciating the carefree feeling of buzzing along the highway at top speeds. The landscape blurred beside me as I whizzed up hill and down, turning corners and generally enjoying the freedom of going anywhere I wanted as fast as I could. Being a “speed demon” myself, it was liberating to have no rules and to be able to travel at unimaginable speeds.
I travelled until I found myself up near the mouth of our canyons here in Utah and, as I did, I found an exit that I have never seen before. It was a slender road, perfect for me and my “hog” so I rumbled through the back road and out into a city I didn’t know existed. This city was beautiful and bedecked in colors that delighted my eyes. Everywhere I looked, there were women on “hogs” and every one of them looked as satisfied with life as I felt.
Soon, I realized that the women were following me. Our little band of “hogs” humming along the streets of this Seussesque town. I was meandering and they meandered along with me. There was no specific destination. I was simply following my impulses and enjoying the ride.
Eventually, I found another road that was just the right size for me and my “hog.” I turned onto it and my posse followed me. Up and up and up through the mountainside we wound, amongst the wild grasses and fragrant flowers. We passed a dozen parked Harleys, all of them exactly like the next and gleaming in the setting sun. I admired their beauty and felt curious about where their drivers could be as there really was nowhere to walk in this tunnel of a road that was flanked by high cliffs on each side, if you looked just right.
When we turned the next corner, we discovered there were security guards on scooters waiting to make sure we had followed the proper security measures and were wearing helmets. None of us were and none of us wanted to. However, there was a catch. If you paid $100, you could sign a waiver saying that you didn’t have to wear that helmet and you’d be on your merry way.
Each of my posse members began filling out the forms and handing over the money. I watched in horror as they moved on without me, joyfully taking to the open road and great adventures beyond. One last friend was finalizing her form when she looked up at me and asked why I wasn’t completing mine.
“I don’t have the money,” I said. “I left my wallet with my money in it at home. If you’ll loan me the money, I’ll give you it back when we return to Salt Lake.”
“Okay.” She didn’t even blink. Trusting me to be a woman of my word, she immediately handed over the money.
Instantly, I woke up in a cold sweat because I knew I didn’t have that kind of money in any of my wallets anywhere. I laid there in bed feeling sad about how my money fear showed up in my dreams and knowing that, in a way, I’m holding myself back as I hide behind this wall of money fears.
And now, I wonder… can I release myself from this particular prison?