That moment when… you send away a regular client because she has ambushed the man – who would be a new client for you – by being dishonest about her motives. She has tricked him into getting in the “hot seat” himself for a reading, all in the guise of him coming in to sit with her while she gets her own reading…

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This was the second time she had done this. The first time, I fell for it, but wow, it was NOT a happy situation for me and one I will never repeat. That first time, I could sense that the man was reluctant, but he kept saying, “I’ll do it. I’ll do it.”

Everything in me said, “He doesn’t want to. No matter what he says, he doesn’t really want to.”

He kept saying, “It’s okay. Let’s do this.”

So I did. And it was horrifying! I felt so much pain and agony through the entire process. I watched myself tread across his energy boundaries, perpetrating a violation I would have never done, but he “asked for it.” And that made it worse. He had agreed to the violation, asked for it with his words, even; he gave me permission to violate him! And I went with it.

In that excruciating process, I encountered several points of huge awareness, which I’ll share with you, but I didn’t realize just how painful it had been until she walked in with this second man. I immediately became aware that she was leading someone else to the torture chamber and *I* was the torture chamber.

I know she loves these people she brings to me and I know she has good intentions, but what she’s missing is… well… a few things. The few things she is missing are the points of awareness I gleaned for myself through that hurtful experience:

  1. She’s afraid to ask directly for what she wants, so she is vague and unclear in her communication or she tells outright lies to get them to do what she wants them to do. By me being willing to do that reading against the young man’s will, I reinforced her manipulation of him, her dishonesty, and her control mechanism. I also fortified his program of being abused, violated, and betrayed by those he is supposed to be able to trust. For myself, I got to witness an ongoing kaleidoscope of all the times I had unconsciously perpetrated violation or had been violated myself.
  2. When someone is trapped in her web and subjected to being forced to open their energy to a reader (me), they feel betrayed, resentful, and angry. This emotional situation is confusing because they want to direct it at someone, but they cannot direct it at her. She loves me, right? She wouldn’t hurt me, right? So, therefore, it’s this other woman here that is hurting me. I then, rightly so, become the target of their fear and hatred and defense. I say, “rightly so,” because I am a natural-born protector – most Healers are – and by violating him, I went against my own innate design. *I* was the person he was supposed to be able to trust because *I* am the Sentinelle, the Guardian. If I see someone being violated, I am suppose to stop it not perpetuate it. Not only did I let him down, I let myself down. I violated myself.
  3. By me choosing to enroll myself in her game, I created a tear in his energy system, which would have allowed other violators to enter. I cleared and sealed the tear I created within his energy before he walked away from me, to stop future violations, but the creating of that tear was sooooo agonizing!
  4. Without realizing it, she is perpetrating violence and violating another’s boundaries. By me playing along with it, I compounded that and I paid a huge price for it with my own misery.

Today, this man whom she has known and loved for many years was sitting there in front of me, feeling trapped, and wanting so badly to please her. Everything in him was saying, “NO!” His mouth was saying, “Yeah, I’ll do it,” but when he’d say the words, his left eye would wink tightly closed and he’d turn away to the left, to hide the receptive side of himself. She had led him in there with a lie and he wanted to run away. Her unconscious choice provided me with a beautiful opportunity to really get clear and make a choice to either:

  • Perpetrate it right along with her, further compounding all of our sabotaging programs…

-or-

  • Lovingly say, “No. I will not do this. This is not going to happen today. Not ever. Not on my watch. NO!”

Once again, this is an opportunity to look at MY commitment. I am here to be of service to humanity as a HEALER, which means I choose to come from a space of Love and Healing. It is an opportunity to choose alignment with that commitment OR go against that commitment. As simple – and as complicated – as that.

In the past, I would have overridden my knowing and my commitment, all in the name of “fear of losing a client.” I am clear that, foremost, I am committed to being a safe space for myself, which provides a safe space for those who work with me. To work with me, the client has to be AT CHOICE. If they are not, it is a NO for me because, if we go forward, I will be perpetrating energetic violation and betrayal against them.

If I had chosen to go forward with doing that reading today, I would have been forcing him to go against what he really wanted. That dishonors me and him and the work I do. Even worse… that action perpetuates the energy of, “Oh… come on, now! You don’t really mean ‘no,’ now… do ya? Let’s do this anyway. If you love me, you’ll do it. It’s really okay. Come on…” This is the very energy that is at the root of all sexual assault. It is the energy of the “perpetrator” negating the “victim’s” boundaries and dishonoring their inherent “no.”

I am here to be a safe space. I am here to stop violation wherever I can. On my watch, there will be Love and Honoring. On my watch, I will stand up for the right for everyone to have their “NO” honored, no matter what their mouth is saying.

So, my dear, Profoundly Sensitive People, are you clear on your commitment? Are you clear on how you are of service to people? Are you brave enough to show up in full alignment with your commitment, even if it looks like – on the surface, may I point out – that you are going to lose a client? Will you still honor yourself, thereby honoring your client? Are you still willing to say, “Not on my watch,” even when it looks like a financial loss?

I hope you are. This planet needs people who are courageous enough to stand up for the truth… especially when that truth is a two-letter word that has been too long ignored: N.O. NO!

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2 Responses to Not on My Watch

  1. […] recently shared my experience with my regular client who was bamboozling people and dragging them in for a session with me and how, on my end, it was turning my work into a torture chamber and I was the dominatrix in […]

  2. […] been sent several clients who are saying one thing, but meaning another. In my article, Not on My Watch, I wrote about this very phenomenon and how I’ve gotten clear that I will not violate another […]

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