Since mid-July, I’ve been in a process to Re-Set myself to my Divine Essence. This self-imposed, extended workshop has been a profound experiment and one for which I am so grateful. I’m especially grateful for the support of my best friend who has committed to her own Re-Set at the same time. So, the two of us have ridden the roller coaster of the myriad of emotions together as she has gone through her circumstances and I have gone through mine, individually and together.
Part of what I have looked at is how I’m running all of my relationships – even the relationships I am running unconsciously. Now, you may ask, “How can you possibly run a relationship unconsciously??!”
I know! Right?
I had no idea that I was running unconscious relationships because… well… DUH! They’re unconscious. Therefore my conscious awareness radar wasn’t even picking up a blip of possible crisis. Until…
At the beginning of this Re-Set, I set a couple intentions for it. The first one was for my physical body: to break my sugar-carb and processed food addiction. The second one was made a couple days later, as I realized that this process was going to clarify every level of my human experience: to release anything and everything that is standing in my way of manifesting my Divinity.
As soon as I made that second commitment, I began to see where I had created energy leaks. It blatantly showed up in my relationships. It showed up in how I was operating in school. It showed up in my dreams. It showed up in my personal, daily routines. It showed up in my thinking. It showed up in signs and symptoms of parasites. Practically every time I turned around, I was seeing another energy leak that needed to be addressed.
I went into the physical part of the Re-Set with a juice fast and vegetarian-based meal plan, with the added bonus of eating foods and taking supplements that were specifically designed to release parasites. While doing this, I faced into the energetic, emotional and financial aspects of parasites that I was matching. Because, parasites cannot dwell within me if I don’t have the environment they can dwell within, I delved into my darkest, hidden corners and started digging.
Old relationship patterns – emotional manipulation, shaming, abuse, abandonment due to me not performing as was wanted, me wanting to “make that person like me” – all started showing up. Boom! Boom! Boom! One after another and sometimes all at once. At times, I’ve felt overwhelmed with the mammoth nature of this undertaking. However, even with all of the emotions and all of the self-revelations, I have had a constant presence of knowing calmness as I have returned to Me.
Day 2 1/2 of the juice fast portion kicked my ass, to say the least. I had intensely focused on turning my internal atmosphere into a space of Light, wherein parasites cannot dwell. Thus, those little buggers put up a brutal fight. I experienced internal aching in my joints and biting/stinging sensations as they went into their death throes. I was a constant sensation of itching, crawling skin just under the surface with fire ants leaving acid trails on the surface, as they moved to get away from the higher vibration within my core, in hopes to find sanctuary in the extremities.
I filled myself with Love, Light and Safety from within, in every cell and fiber of who I am. Then I went through the uncomfortable sensations of the first round of their release. They started leaving in droves – from every orifice. There is no delicate way to put this, but I was sneezing, coughing, pooping and peeing them out. They were even leaving through my reproductive system.
That day was painful, exhausting and terrifying as I went through the destruction from within me. The beginning of dismantling that parasitic system was a viscerally painful and agonizing 36 hour process, but so worth it.
The dawning of the fourth day had me waking with renewed vigor and zest for life. Things looked clearer. I felt clearer. I felt lighter, which was easy to understand, because I was releasing lots of unwelcome guests, their waste and their beliefs. While parasites don’t have brains, they are programmed for two things: survive and propagate the species. And they do it prolifically. I’ve also learned they are designed to trigger chemical responses for cravings that they need to live on and when they’re in the die off stage, they elicit a depressed, desperate, almost suicidal emotional response from their host that is so strong it made me reconsider the process of killing them off. All this in an attempt to keep their housing situation the right conditions for their existence.
(well… I didn’t realize I was going to go in that direction today. *giggling*)
Releasing myself from the patterns that match parasites is a process, as is releasing the parasites themselves. They come and go in waves and the process can last around two months. So I support myself with food that nourishes me, while starving them. I keep taking my supplements. I keep listening to my body. And I keep filling myself with I Am Light!
While all this has been going on, I’ve also experienced an interesting phenomenon with my facebook account. Every time I logged in to check things out there, I felt immediately exhausted and heavy. I wasn’t certain what was going on for a couple days. Then, I recognized that there were people in my newsfeed whose posts always irritated the hell out of me, or I skipped over as soon as I saw their name, or felt offended because of their “pointing fingers” or blaming others or yelling about the political climate of this world.
One day, I sat there, scrolling through the listing and it finally sunk in – something I joked about with my best friend just yesterday – What the hell?! Why am I being “friends” with someone who CLEARLY doesn’t match me??!
So I opened my friends list – near 1300 people – and began looking at every. single. profile. to see if that person energetically matched me. For two days, I worked on this task exclusively, in my free time – even being awakened at 3:30am yesterday for the express purpose of cleaning out my friends list.
I asked two questions in the process:
- Do I know you? If the answer was “no,” I immediately unfriended that person. If the answer was “yes,” I went on to the next question.
- What is our energy exchange like? I looked for if I felt inspired, uplifted, fed or entertained by being in relationship with that person. If I felt any of those things, I kept them on the list. I also looked to see if that person was my “friend” because I felt obligated to keep them on my list. If any of that was there, I immediately unfriended that person. Relationships for the sake of obligation are my number one energy leak.
I found people who I didn’t even know. I found people that I never interacted with ever. I found people who held beliefs that were polar opposite of my own – so much so that I wondered how in the hell we found one another in the first place. I found people that weren’t even there! And I was holding energetic space for ALL of these relationships – even with the people who were no longer in existence on facebook because they had deactivated their account!!!
Interestingly enough, after two days worth of work, my list went from near 1300 to 365. Of those 365, I have personally met 360 of them in person or extensively online. The other five are “mentors” who inspire me. Of those 360 people, about 300 of them are acquaintances with whom I have ongoing, occasional interactions online or in person. Of the remaining 60 people, about 50 of them are biological family members and dear friends that I choose to be in relationship because I want to be, not because I feel obligated to be. 8 of the remaining 10 are people with whom I have close relationships and interact with a couple times a week online and regularly in person. The last two are people whom I adore and see or interact with daily.
When I released the last person from my list and looked at how far I had whittled it down – releasing myself from over 900 dysfunctional relationships – I felt such a relief. The process was intentional, with me envisioning cords cutting with every “unfriend” and interspersed with a lot of napping, meditating and integration.
This facebook process gave me a very visual experience of where I was unconscious in my relationships. There were nine hundred people on that list with whom I did not even want to be in relationship with, but I was in relationship with them! They were linked to me and I was choosing into that. At one time, it was a numbers game – see how many people I can get to “friend” me – for publicity for my writing, art and radio shows. But, that was old energy and no longer serving me.
The one thing I’ve learned over the last 12 years is this: how I do one thing is how I do everything. So this facebook experience has opened my eyes to the ways in which I am operating unconsciously in the real-world relationships.
What a revealing experience this Re-Set is!