~My Ideal Life~
Today’s question for this 30 Days to Life program I am participating in asks me to describe a perfect day in my healthy life. I realized yesterday, when I read the question (and was supposed to write about it), I felt scared and sad. As I sat with those emotions, I came to understand that the emotions are tied to the thought that I am failing at my life. Because my life does not look like what I imagined my perfect life was going to look like right now, then that must mean that I’m failing. Right?
That thought process has been my downfall for a big portion of my life. This thinking that I am not having the “right” experience because it is not living up to my own expectations – or the expectations of others – is detrimental and destructive. If I’m believing that my experience is “wrong” from this moment to the next then, where is the hope? There is none. And then what happens is my creativity dies a slow, withering death as does my imagination and I land in a place where I’m unable to imagine life any differently than I’m experiencing now.
Thus, the reason I didn’t write yesterday. However, it wasn’t because I couldn’t imagine my ideal day. It was because I could imagine it and it looks very different than my life now and I noticed that it immediately popped me into that self-destructive thinking process of “I’m failing at my life.” I gave it 24 hours to simmer and decided to give it a go. I do know what a perfect day in my healthier life will look like and I want to get it out there to start using my powerful energy to create it rather than destroying it…
I awake early. The sky is barely kissed with dawn but there is no sign of the rising sun and the house is still. The smell of crisp autumn air floats on the air, gently stirring the sheer, white curtains as it blows through the slightly-opened window. The sound of the down-filled duvet rustles as I lift it from my body and slide out of the bed, placing my feet upon the cool, glimmering wood floor. The bed shifts behind me and I turn to see my Love facing me, a slight smile on his sleepy face. He reaches his arms to me and I return to his embrace to celebrate the starting of the day with love.
Later, as we hear Kaitlyn moving around the house, he and I rise from the bed. He heads to the shower to get ready for the day. On some days, he and I work together, collaborating on classes, speaking events, retreats and the like. These days are deliciously perfect, as well, and I love that my partner is my co-creative partner on so many different levels and that we get to travel the world together bringing healing and love to those who hear our message. Today, though, he will be spending time with his other business partners in meetings and I will be putting the finishing touches on my latest book.
I hear the shower flip on and, as always, he begins singing at the top of his lungs, in his mostly-off-key way and I grin. Some things never change. I get on my work out clothes, tie my shoes and head out to go jogging in the delicious autumn morning. Passing through the kitchen, I kiss Kaitlyn’s forehead and chat with her before she leaves for school. When she leaves, I shut the front door behind me and drink in the beauty of the day from my front porch.
I feel exhilarated as I run into the cool morning, smelling the smell of decaying leaves and moist soil. The sound of my favorite energizing music pulses through my headphones, filling my head along with the sound of my heart and breathing. I feel relaxed as I move my body through the neighborhood, up the hills, through a nearby park and back home. I pause on my porch to stretch my body and hydrate before removing my shoes to go inside. I shut the front door gently behind me and pause to drink in the silence. I saunter through the house, just catching my husband before he walks out the back door to the garage. I savor the feel, smell and taste of him before he reluctantly parts and heads into his day.
A shower for me, humming quietly and grinning as I remember my husband’s silly morning song. Breakfast is a feast for my eyes, as well as my tastebuds… a fruit medley salad with an egg white omelet. Looking around the house I feel grateful that everyone has picked up after themselves, for the most part. Just a few things to pick up here and there, start a small load of laundry, crank up the stereo, move my body – of course – to the rhythm pulsing out of the speakers and head to the office to work.
After putting the few finishing touches on the edits of my latest book, I send the pdf file off to the publisher and notice that I finished much earlier than I thought I would. This gives me time to head out to my art studio and I feel really excited about that. Before getting immersed in my art, I eat a small salad of market-fresh veggies with grilled chicken and then head to the studio. On the way, I pass the herb room and sprinkle water on the plants, breathing in the smell of herbs and taking time to caress a few of the leaves.
The music pours out of the art room stereo, filling the space with lyrical melodies and rhythms as I paint, sculpt and create. Touching this project and that. Putting details here and there all while moving my body and singing along with the soundtrack I’ve chosen for the day. I love the smell of the paint and the sculpting clays and glue. I love the liquid-smooth feeling of the paint pulling along the canvas and the feel of clay under my nails.
From the studio, I glance out the window to the yard. The leaves are falling from the trees so gently and slowly, covering the ground with a blanket of gold. Following my impulse, I go out into the yard to walk barefoot amongst the leaves, feeling them and hearing them crunch. I hear a car pull into the driveway and glance around the house to see it’s my Kaitlyn already home from school. She smiles and waves at me when she sees that I’ve spotted her then blows me a kiss as she runs up the steps to go inside. She has friends with her and they all wave before heading into the house, giggling and talking as they always are.
Soon my husband pulls up and I feel excited to see him home so soon. Things went well in his meetings and we are both fired up with ideas for our next retreat so we venture into the office for a quick brainstorming session, to get down on paper all the stuff that is coming to us. I love spontaneous planning sessions like this and feel so expansive when we work together. There is a pause in the firing of ideas and he glances at me. Our eyes lock and we smile, both knowing that this life is good that we are creating together.
We all cook dinner together… grilled salmon and chicken, veggies and fresh fruit salad drizzled with dark chocolate… and Kaitlyn’s friends join us for dinner out on the back porch. Soon we hear another car pull up and hear the doors slamming frantically. His children have arrived and they come running down the driveway, knowing we’ll be in the backyard. “Daddy! Daddy! Momma-Angie!” We hear their joyful shouts as they run and throw themselves in his arms, then in mine. There is such joy in their homecoming. Their mother and her husband stay and visit for awhile, joining us in dinner as the sun sets and we fill the atmosphere with chattering and laughter.
Kaitlyn and her friends are joined by the boys and their exuberant energy bounces around the house while they collect treats before they all head down to the home theatre to watch movies. The smell of popcorn wafts through the air and the little ones ask for their own treats. After getting them set up, and settled in the playroom “theatre” upstairs, my husband and I head out to the front porch for one of my favorite pastimes… cuddling on the porch for hot chocolate and quiet talk.
He and I sit contentedly and talk about our day, planning further our retreat and what we want to bring to the attendees for this particular one. It is a cool night and as it grows later, we go inside to tuck the little kids into bed and check on the older kids who are watching some wild comedy, laughing up a storm and playing pool. I have a huge wave of gratitude wash over me for the life we have created together and that it provides a space where our kids and their friends like to hang out.
We go back to the porch until midnight when we go back in to usher out the reluctant boys. After the girls say goodnight to the boys, they head up to Kaitlyn’s room and settle in for a night of what I am sure will be lots of giggling and not much sleep. After checking in on all the kids, my husband and I meander through the house, turning off lights and slightly opening the windows to let in the fresh air of the night. The breeze gentle ruffles the white, sheer curtains throughout the house, their ends fluttering against the wood floors.
Clasping hands we enter our bedroom and shut the door softly behind us. All is quiet in our home, although I’m certain the older girls are still giggling and talking on the other side of the house upstairs. I feel another wave of gratitude and love. Our life is a simple life but it is rich and, as a perfect ending for the perfect day, we make love long into the night before falling soundly asleep in one another’s embrace.
Yes. That was a perfect day.