~Sharing (17) in the Progression Into Beauty project~
A few years ago, I was in a 9-month program wherein I was learning all sorts of transformational and coaching skills based on the work of Gay and Katy Hendricks. I am a 3-year graduate of this program and during that time, I felt frequently beat up, not enough, stupid, weak and as though I was failing at every single turn, interspersed with huge growth, success, learning and love. In my 2nd year of this program, I was considered an alumni and the facilitators decided that they would have the alumni participants work in small clusters of people. These clusters would be chosen by the facilitators and we were to meet together frequently, learn from one another and boost one another up.
The first group I was put in consisted of me and three other people – all of which I did not get along with and the facilitators knew this. I was frustrated and angry when the groups were revealed and I remember saying to one of the facilitators as tears ran down my face, “I feel like you’ve set me up to fail with this group.” I never felt comfortable in that group, but I learned a lot. And, amazingly enough, I turned around 2 of the 3 relationships and turned 1 of those into a dear friend. So, in the end, I think it was actually a success.
The thing is… for me, and for long as I can remember, I’ve had a propensity to believe I am wrong or not enough long before I would believe I was right or complete just as I am. This propensity has led me to see situations such as the one I described above to be a set up for failure. These days, because I have a strong commitment to myself to look for the lesson and the blessing within every situation, I tend to see things as an opportunity for growth rather than a set up to fail. This has given me a lot more room to experience life in an easeful manner.
One of the common ways I still set myself up for failure is being unclear on what I want and what is loving to me, thereby “falling” for whatever is handy – whether that is junk food, a “line”, a relationship, a business opportunity, whatever. Because I haven’t known what it means to love myself, I’ve had the tendency to choose into things that were ultimately NOT for my best. That still shows up from time to time and nips me in the butt.
My greatest practice that I have working for me right now is my willingness to continue to come back to me, to continue to look for ways that I can love myself more fully, to look for ways that I can expand and express my self-love. This commitment sets me up to succeed. Every. Single. Time.