As I have slowly re-entered my life while still carrying the momentous grieving resulting from the news of the death of Kel, Garrett, and Sage, I have felt incredibly quiet and inward. I’ve watched as the snow has fallen, been shoveled into piles, collected dust and pollution, and then melted. I’ve watched the icicles growing to monstrous proportions and then falling to the earth to shatter into pieces. The sun has risen and set, as has the moon. The sky has been gray and ominously cloudy, blue and crystal clear. The moments have rolled on and on and on. Life is moving. I’m moving with life. And… at the same time, while everything seems to be going at mach speed, I am still.
Although there has been a lot I’ve wanted to say and write – about that week where I lived at Home Base with the family and held a space of Love and Celebration of the kids, and so much more that has happened since then – the words wouldn’t come. I’ve created a long list of topics I felt inspired to write on, but had no words to support the articles. So the list just grew and my heart wept and I continued to feel quiet.
I feel the thaw slowly happening and the lock on my words seems to be gently easing away. I feel the desire to, once again, express myself through written words…
One of the most amazing things about that week at Home Base where there was a flurry of funeral planning and details and very little sleep, was the profound sense of community that poured in from around the world. We had the opportunity to be a funnel for unbound Love and Abundance, Gratitude and Appreciation, Support and Connection. The miracles that developed in the center of that space left me speechless and in awe. The willingness of people was magnificent. The Gifting was seemingly unlimited. It was, indeed, a space wherein I began to understand what Jesus was meaning when He said, “Love one another.”
For me, my moment of intense understanding came when my best friend from high school, J, contacted me to say she was thinking of me and sending me love. She and I just got fully reconnected right before Kelsey died. (I’ll write more about this later) Her tenderness touched my heart and I felt such Love flow through me. However, it was her willingness to go completely out of her way to pick up my daughter from our home, along with some other things that I needed, and drive them to Home Base for me. This offering would result in her driving a half hour in one direction to get the items, to turn and drive in the totally opposite direction for over an hour, to eventually have to drive another hour to get home. She was lovingly willing to do this. As was her husband.
I grew up with J’s husband (L) and have known him a few years longer than I’ve known J. He and I were friends as children and I know the man he is simply because I knew the man his father was. I knew who he was as a boy. These two people are my kindred soul friends. My daughter had never met these people, but she knew who they are to me so she trusted them.
It was Monday, January 21, that they offered to make this trek for me. They both had the day off and as he said, “It was the perfect thing to do with our day.” That day, I was out in the world, supporting Jen as we went to the hospital to meet the staff that had cared for her daughter and grandson, and various other errands that had to be run to prepare the opportunity for the thousands of people who loved these kids to come together to bid them adieu. This meant that they would arrive at Home Base, Jen’s sister’s (C) house, without me being there. This meant that two total strangers would be entering Home Base, but C knew who they were to me so she trusted them.
J and L entered Home Base with reverence and grace. The ladies immediately hit it off and L made himself at home in the living room, playing beautiful music on their piano. J and L had decided to wait for me to return and so they lingered at Home Base, infusing the space with their Love, Light, and Grace. When I arrived, I found them thusly, with C in the kitchen humming along gently to the hymns that L played. J wrapped her arms around me and held me while I cried and cried and cried. The tears wouldn’t stop. And I realized it then, the tears were more than grief. They were tears of incredible, overflowing Love and Gratitude. I was so deeply touched by their willingness to serve me, to give to me without expectation of anything in return. To simply love me.
They were the personification of Christlike love that I had been taught about my whole life. These two amazing friends of mine poured healing balm over me and held me in the palm of God’s hands because they were willing to follow the impulse to serve. Together, they had agreed to take their day off to be of service to me. They had agreed to wait while I continued to be of service to Jen, so they could be of service to me. They agreed to wait so that L could place his hands upon me and bless me with strength and comfort.
It was the most thorough example of what I know Love to be. My belief in humanity was strengthened through their actions, their tenderness, their willingness, their service. My belief in Love was deepened. My understanding of God became a full-body experience. I was transformed.
Afterward, C pulled me to the side and tearfully said, “Thank you for bringing them into my space. They were exactly what I needed.”
When J and I reconnected, she being the first person I could talk to other than Jen, about all that had gone on, J said to me, “Angie, thank you for allowing us into that sacred space. Your willingness to allow us in, to allow us to serve you, transformed us.”
Through this experience, I learned the true meanings of Love, Charity, Faith, Hope, and Compassion. I learned what it means to Serve and to be Served. I learned that, when I am willing to be in my Purpose then I am able to receive others who are in their Purpose and we are ALL uplifted and transformed.
The perfect soundtrack for where I am right now: Miss Mary Tebbs, Make it Light.