My path over the last few years has been decidedly different than any path I’ve ever trod before. I made a conscious choice awhile back to trust God and to trust ME and it has created an amazing experience. At times, it has been scary beyond belief, but it has always turned out to be beautiful and surprising.
Today, I was having one of those “scary beyond belief” mornings because things are just not lining up as I thought they would – think they should. Money is flowing differently than I had hoped and I feel scared when I go out beyond this moment. In truth, I know that going out beyond this moment is not where I’m meant to be living my life. I’m meant to be here. NOW. Always. All of us are. So I keep reminding myself that, in this moment, everything is as it is supposed to be and I do have all of my needs met.
The thing about the future is, I have no idea how it is going to play out. I know that where I am today, how I am feeling and what I am thinking has an effect on the future, so I can have an impact on where I’m heading. But the big details are not my doing. The “how” is not mine to understand right now.
My commitment was to t.r.u.s.t. and that is what I am doing. And, in the process, I have chosen to surround myself with people who remind me that God is within me, that I can do this thing I’ve set out to do, that I do have the ability to accomplish my dreams and that I am of great worth here. I have friends who contact me at exactly the right moment to remind me that I am loved and that they are there for me to lean upon when I feel weak. I have loved ones – whether in this realm or realms beyond – who pop up out of the blue to speak to me of my greatness and my purpose here, to remind me of how loved I am and to light that fire within me when I cannot find my own fuse.
This happened this morning when I was seeking a foothold in trust of God and trying to remember that He has provided for my every need along the way. A text from my best friend, Jen, popped into my phone simply to check in on me and to say she loved me. We had a tender conversation and I revealed to her the depth of my fears.
I wrote, “It’s scary… this trust walk… trusting that the “NO!” I hear when I ponder finding a job is God on my side and not my ego convincing me to stay safe and causing laziness… it doesn’t make sense and I know the ego wants it to make sense… AND… it’s fuckin’ scary.”
I released that text to the ethers and took a deep breath. With my fears out in the open and my knees trembling with fear, I was broken open wide to receive the next nudge. From deep within the recesses of my mind, in that space where all knowing exists and from where my brilliance shines, I heard God say, “Angie, stop fretting. Follow that impulse to work on the new manuscript. Put your energy in that and all will be well. Trust Me. Trust You.”
Really. He said that. The very words my paragliding instructor had used that day on the edge of the cliff. “Trust Me. Trust You.”
And… so it is.