Our subconscious can create really intense dreaming states, especially when our waking hours have felt painful and dramatic. Last week, I was journeying through some really energy-draining situations that were another adult’s creation. I felt like I was being tossed about in a hurricane as I attempted to maintain my own sense of balance, without losing track of my truth or succumbing to the seeming madness that was continually beating against me.
This morning, between the hours of 3am-715am, I was stuck in this hellacious dreamland, from which I could not wake up. And when I finally succeeded in breaking free of it, I was sobbing uncontrollably and could not catch my breath.
All that I dreamt about had nothing to do with the dramatic situation that unfolded in my life last week. Instead, it was like my subconscious decided to dredge through my deepest, darkest shit and spew forth the stuff that would hurt the most.
There was family stuff. There was the love of my life telling me he didn’t love me, would never love me, and wasn’t interested in loving me. There was my dearest, long-time golden-haired friend dying. There was finding the perfect job, getting all excited about it, quitting all my other jobs, starting work, and then getting told they didn’t want me. And all of it took place in a maze of corridors and doors and cubbies in an abandoned building. Around every corner there was something that shattered my heart. For hours on end.
I feel fragile, fractured, raw, tender, and way too vulnerable today. I request that if/when you think of me, send a deep breath, healing energy, and a reminder that I am Loved, Loving, Lovable. I am Love.