fear and doubt

Over the last three months, while in the process of finding a new place to live, I did a lot of conscious commanding of the universe and kept trusting and believing that it was possible to manifest what I desired.

During that same time, I also had to refuse to absorb the words and energy of all the loving people who were scared for me and kept telling me to “get real” and realize it wasn’t going to work out the way I wanted it to, that I was going to have to “give up” part of what I desired, that I was going to need to “settle” for less, that I may need to agree to something that wasn’t THE perfect space, just so I “had a place.” In short, the ongoing messages were, “it’s impossible to get what you want, Angie.”

While I was determined to hold on to what I believed to be possible, outside sources often added to my fear and caused me to doubt myself, making the process all at once terrifying and seemingly insurmountable. At night, in the quiet hours alone, I would often cry for my hope to be strengthened because the external feedback weakened it on a daily basis. I prayed my hope would be restored while I slept. Hopeful that my magic would work, beyond the doubts of those around me.

It worked.

The universe has delivered above and beyond what I requested, including specifics of my dream house that had been long ago set aside for “practicalities.” All it is demanding in return is that I trust that the significant expansion in my outgo will be met with an expansive income. That part is scary for me because it’s future-based and I know the future fluctuates.

The universe has seen to it that I have been covered all along, often in unexpected ways, so I must continue to trust that I will be supported. And… This Trust Walk, as I place my hand into the open palm of the Divine to be guided down a path I cannot yet see, or even sense, is no less scary, even though I am trusting. I am stepping into the indefinability of the universe and I feel scared about that.

So I breathe.

And now I feel excited and curious to see and experience what happens next.

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