I am an Empath. This means I can feel what you feel and I also feel the energy of what you think, which can lead me to “reading your mind,” if I choose to, which I usually don’t. I used to be “amped up” all the time and reading everyone, as a means of keeping myself safe. I used to be incapacitated in large crowds because of this. I used to be exhausted because of everything I was carrying around (see me if you want to learn more about the Shit Suit.) The exhaustion, the oversensitivity, the extreme emotionality, the mysterious and near-fatal diseases… all of it was because I was a powerful Empath on overdrive and override, using denial and ignorance to “block” my gifts, turning them into curses. And, because of that, I thought being an Empath was a horrible thing. Once I got accountable for my own experience and got really clear about what was mine and what was everyone else’s, my pain disappeared and my exhaustion dissipated. Any time I am in unidentifiable pain or unable to sleep, I now know I am not in my own experience and I get myself clear ASAP so that I can return to homeostasis.
I am a Truth Being, meaning I see, hear, and seek out truth at all times. I am one who is really hard on herself if I face the choice of telling the truth and destroying someone’s feelings in the process (remember, I’m an Empath so I actually feel, ahead of time [because I’m also Psychic], what they will experience) vs. telling a “white lie” to save their feelings (remember, I am a Truth Being, so telling that lie will destroy me). I’m able to be with someone and see through the facade of their human self into who they really are. In the past, when I was confused about this gift, it showed up as me being the Interrogator (trying to understand the conflicts in what I was seeing vs. what I was experiencing). At other times, it showed up as me being the Whistle Blower (getting bosses fired for embezzling hundreds of thousands of dollars, etc). Either way, it resulted in people really not liking me. Therefore, I thought it was a bad thing. Now, I understand that Truth is relative and subjective. It transforms as more information is revealed. It’s also different for each individual based on their own ideology and filters. Now, that I know that Truth Being-ness is a powerful gift and guide, I am able to see my own life so clearly that I have more trust, more hope, more faith, more joy, more love, more peace. Any time that ceases, I know that I need to uncover the truth I am hiding.
Additionally, I am a Magnifier. Because I am natural-born Healer, and my avenue is Truth and Love, I am designed to call out in any person or situation whatever it is that is out of integrity. So, situations like my embezzling boss get really gnarly really quickly. Anyone I live/work with who is unwilling to look at their own crap and do something about it will get miserably uncomfortable in the blink of an eye and often without knowing why. All they know is that *I* showed up on the scene and then they began to feel horrific. Therefore, their assumption – and often yelled accusations – has been that it is ME that is “making” them miserable. I spent a lot of my life believing that it really was me and that I was inherently bad because I made people feel horrible about themselves – which is SO the opposite of what I am here to do. I once had a mentor say to me, “Angie, you are the only person I’ve met who can walk into a room of people and, by simply doing so, cause at least ten of their heads to explode.” Yeah… how could THAT ever be a good thing???!
Thing is… I’ve learned that my ability to Magnify the maligned integrity is my magical super power. For those who are courageous enough to stand in that fire, the transformation is unparalleled in speed and permanency. AND it is often accompanied with a journey into the darkest recesses of themselves, bringing up fears and doubts. It is a journey that asks them to continually step into the unknown and face it. It is a journey that is about supreme willingness, curiosity, and openness. It is the Hero’s Journey.
Through all of this, I have often been called “CRAZY!” People have shouted it at me as they ran out the door – away from me – and slammed it resolutely behind them, locking me inside and keeping them safely distanced from the beast: me. In the past, that process has been debilitating and demoralizing. I have crumpled to the floor, my fiery wings collapsing about me to hold me tenderly, always alone and wondering, “Why?! I did nothing wrong. I. Did. Nothing. Wrong. And it still turned out this way.”
When those words were spoken to me just last night by someone I love beyond time and space, and I heard my own voice crying them across the ages, I realized… I now know why it happens. The knowing doesn’t ease my pain, but it helps me understand. And here is what I know… I am an Empathic Truth Being who Magnifies the lies because I am here to bring the Light to this planet. Therefore, I am always a threat to those who are committed to living in darkness or dishonesty. And, now, I am okay with that because I know that those who see me as “CRAZY!” are not the ones I am here to find. I am here to find the ones who see my Fire and come toward it to be led out of the darkness.
I am The Phoenix and #IAMaCatch for those who are brave enough to embrace the intensity.
Editorial note, spawned from a remark from a dear friend about “shielding”… I practice accountability and awareness, instead of shielding. Shielding – or the “seeking of protection” – invites in the continual need to be protected. I believe this Universe and the energy I wield are my allies. There is nothing that I need to shield myself from – including others. I no longer believe that anyone has the ability to harm me, unless I allow it, unless I align with a situation or person that is harmful to me. I choose to create relationships – intimate, business, and friends – with people that honor who I am. If they are unwilling to be accountable for their own energy, thoughts, emotions, behaviors, and beliefs or are unwilling to be respectful of who I am, the relationship is terminated. Immediately. It is a blessed clarity that has taken a long time for me to learn and understand.