My phone vibrated while I was working and I glanced down at the screen. There was a text from my friend, the very friend from whom I had requested – less than just 15 hours prior to receiving the text – permission to share her story about praying for the everyone before she prayed for herself.
“And by the way,” the text read, “that prayer was channeled.”
It came out of left field, just one text dropping into my inbox in the middle of this somewhat hellish day I was having, so I had no idea what it was referring to. We hadn’t been in a conversation and I had completely forgotten about the praying she had told us about so I was at a loss as to how to respond.
My reply was short, “What prayer?”
As soon as I sent it, I got out of my own crap, took a breath, and tuned in with my friend. Instantly, I knew she was in ego overdrive. I smiled. I had been wondering when her ego would begin screaming. My seeking permission to share her story had cracked the dam she had built that night after being called out. She built that dam to hold the voice at bay; the voice that was whispering louder and louder that she was “in trouble” for doing something the “not right” way. And that crack was going to lead to a gigantic, devastating flood if she didn’t allow it to begin flowing easefully.
She clarified her text, reminding me of our recent girl’s night out conversation and as soon as she did, I smiled again. She was in overdrive and I wanted to support her, but in that moment, I was falling apart, so I needed to honor me. First. Remember? This was how the whole thing began in the first place: she had forgotten to put herself first.
“I can’t deal with this right now,” I said, feeling tender toward both of us and hoping that it came across in the text. “I’m having a day from hell. We can talk about it tonight.”
It was fortuitous that we already had a girl’s night out for dinner planned that night and we gathered together, laughing until we cried and sharing our days. It felt good to be there with my girls, like that. It’s something I am so grateful for. And I’m really grateful that my friends know they can say anything to me and they do.
When we turned our attention to my praying friend, the very first thing out of her mouth was, “My ego has been in overdrive!”
We had to update our friend who had not been privy to the text conversation that had happened earlier in the day and as we did so, my praying friend grew more anxious, blushing hotly, her fingers doing that magical fidgeting they do when she is thinking too hard or feeling “on the spot.” She was really worked up and her ego was ready to burst.
“What does it matter what order I pray in, whether it’s channeled or not?”
It was a question, but her tone was all exclamation points, accusation, and righteous indignation. My friend and I were both sitting across from our praying friend so we were able to see the whole process. She and I held in our giggles until our praying friend heard it too, a moment later, and began laughing. Then the whole table erupted in laughter.
Between the giggles, I said, “Honey, it doesn’t matter what order you pray in. All prayers are heard and important.”
“Then,” she said, with her proverbial hands on her hips, “what did I do wrong? I was on the list! That was just the order that the prayers came out in. I cannot control what the Universe wants me to do!”
Oh! Right there! In one paragraph, she summed up the plight of most Sensitives: the debilitating belief of, “I am at the effect of the Universe and my Gifts and I have no control over any of that!”
“Honey,” I said, smiling and feeling so full of love for her generous spirit, “the reason I lost my cool is because… the first prayer that came through was for the world and the second was for him and the third was for you. On your list, you are available to receive for everyone. BEFORE. you. If you were practicing choosing you first and asking something like, ‘How can I be of service to myself so I can serve You,’ the first prayer would have been for you.”
The real “ah-ha” hit in that moment, rather than the night we had had the original conversation, because she allowed her ego to get defensive and speak its protestations, rather than damming it up. Allowing that voice to rail at the situation cleared it out of the way so she could see the subtle way she was undermining her own well-being, it allowed her to see that she was still putting the entire world in line in front of her. She was still choosing to see everyone as more important than herself.
Healers, and the spiritual community at large, tend to choose to ignore or rise above the call of our egos because there has been so much talk about how negative our egos are. Truth is, our ego is our best friend! Its sole purpose is to get us to death safely, in one piece. The ego wants to protect us, to keep us safe, to keep us from getting hurt. Our ego is what makes us human – which is the reason we chose to come to this planet. We are here by choice, my Sensitive friends, and for us to clear the pathway for the amazing work we are here to do, we must learn to make our ego our ally. We must embrace its messages and allow it to speak so that we can get to the truth that is underneath its whimpering, crying, and sometimes really loud tantrums. Our ego is simply a child that is doing its best – all the time – to do its job right.
Additionally, as Sensitives, we have a tendency to look outward, especially if our Sensitivities lean into Healing. We are always looking for ways to support healing in the planet and those around us, so our energy is focused outward because energy follows our focus. When our energy is focused outward, we often forget that we HAVE TO start inward and feed ourselves. FIRST! Sometimes, even, we literally forget to eat because we are so caught up in our “work.”
Right now, our human bodies require food, rest, and water. As Sensitives – especially for those in the energy healing and lightwork arena – we need to be drinking a lot of water because it lubricates the systems and creates gentler flow. More importantly, as Sensitives, we need to focus our work on us first so that the work we do flows through us first and then into those we are serving, thus creating a reciprocal cycle and a container that is always full.
We are designed to Love. We are designed to Heal. We are designed to See. We are designed to Feel. We are designed to Hear. We are designed to be of service to the People of this planet and Mother Earth, herself. AND those Gifts must be employed for you FIRST because you, my friend, are a People too!
Choose. You. FIRST!
image courtesy of pixabay.com and linked to originating site