Yesterday, I made a decision. Things came together perfectly and I made a decision. I made a decision that I’ve chosen to consciously not make since 2009. I made a decision to choose into something that, in 2009, I stated I would never do again. I made a decision, consciously and willingly and happily to go to a weekend-long workshop.
I didn’t stop to think at the moment I made the final decision that this decision would unleash all the power of the workshop the very moment that I made the decision. I didn’t stop to remember that the workshop starts the very moment I choose in. I didn’t stop to think that this is a workshop about Essence and, therefore, that meant that it is truly a workshop about understanding Ego and, therefore, I am going to spend the next 9 days leading up to the workshop in an Ego dance. No. I didn’t think about any of that. All I knew was that I was meant to be at this workshop.
And I was going to get there – 8 hours away – however I could.
Facing into this decision, I’ve realized that I am facing into my fear of not being wanted. The program that tells me I’m not enough, I don’t belong. I created that video the other day (You ARE!) as a divine impulse to spread the message of Love. I created it with the knowing that sometimes people just have to hear that they ARE ________ (fill in the blank) to make a difference in their day. Each of us, as humans, have moments where we need to hear someone telling us we matter.
As I made that video, I thought back over all my trainings and all the different kinds of rebirthing processes I’ve witnessed, facilitated, been a part of and been the client in. I remembered all the things I’ve heard people say that they wished they would have heard more of throughout their lives. I remembered the things we would say to the “baby” we rebirthed in the myriad of workshops I’ve been through since 2001.
Above and beyond any of all the other statements, some form of “You are wanted” or “You are enough” were the most frequently used. Perhaps it is because we humans believe, on some level, that we are alone and “separate from” while, at the same time, we innately know that isn’t true.
One of the saddest things for me to realize about myself is my propensity to continually believe that I’m not enough and, therefore, I don’t belong. I have no recollection of my parents or family ever saying to me, “Angie, you’re not enough and you don’t belong here.” So, I’m not sure how my child brain came to that conclusion. All I do know is that it has been a very strong, pervasive belief. And, following on the heels of that one is usually: I’m unlovable.
This decision is a good one for me. One that I made for many different reasons. I see that now. But one that is vital for the next stage of my progression because I can tangibly feel that many of the answers for which I have been searching since 2001 are already within me. I just haven’t found the key to unlock them yet. And the key is there… in the Divine Feminine embrace of the facilitator through which this workshop is being born.
I hold within me the answers for all of my questions. I’ve always known that because I know that to be true for every person on this planet. What I also know to be true is that often times it helps to have another’s eyes watching the path and leading the way.
So I will be led to the answers that Love will uncover because, for the first time, *I* am listening to myself and following the inspiration out of willingness, rather than desperation and fear.
It seems so apropos that this song started playing while writing this post. Yes. I can imagine…