“You have to love yourself” is one of the biggest catch phrases and the solution for pretty much everything in the consciousness coaching community. While I understand the importance of one loving oneself, I want to scream, “SCREW THAT!” because I have heard it so frequently from coaches, mentors, and friends over the years. And every time I heard it, I figured it had to be true and therefore, that meant I wasn’t loving myself.
And then I got to thinking… I have a tendency to jump to “I’m wrong” when I receive feedback from others telling me I need to change. I automatically believe they are right and I am wrong. I immediately go to a space of… if people I trust are telling me that I need to love myself, doesn’t that mean I’m not???
But then, I remember, often times when I’m immediately jumping to the conclusion that I’m wrong, I’m not always wrong. In fact, most of the time, I am just different. So, I’ve been wondering about this catch phrase “you have to love yourself” and wondering about the truth in it and if I truly am not loving myself or if something else is going on because I’m really sick of being told that I need to love myself.
And then, yesterday in one of the groups I lead, one of my clients said, “I guess I’m just not loving myself enough.” I nearly exploded. It was the final straw. And I nearly screamed in defiance at the entire coaching industry. Instead, I took a deep breath and commanded, “Universe, please show me a different way. Give me understanding for this message that keeps coming at me. Please guide me in supporting my client and myself.”
Within the next breath, inspiration hit and I’m going to share it with you now as a way to invite you into a deeper understanding of yourself.
Consider the difficulties that often show up while trying to convey love to another person you are in relationship with. People speak love differently. Some people like physical touch, some people like words, some people like gifts, some people like service, some people like time. If you show love through giving gifts to someone who only recognizes time, your love is not conveyed to that person – not because you’re not loving them, but because they do not recognize it. Love is about being willing to find THEIR language and “talk” to them that way, even if it isn’t your way.
In light of that, could it be possible that you are conveying love to yourself with a language you don’t understand?
Could it be possible that you DO love yourself, you’re just not recognizing the ways in which you do?
Could it be possible that you love yourself so much, you are willing to continually look inside and find the ways to transform yourself and that continual change feels scary so you’re trying to find why you’re feeling scared all the time and simply blaming it on the catch all phrase “you don’t love yourself enough”?
What I’ve come to understand for myself is this… I love myself so much I took on The Phoenix and I haven’t been the same since then. With her energy in my system, I am a space of continual transformation and that is scary as crap. I am often feeling unsteady and uncertain because I am transforming. When I find myself settling and feeling comfortable, I relish it for about thirty seconds and then I dive in again because I know that this life, for me, is about learning everything that I can and passing on that knowledge to those walking the path a few steps behind me.
In the past, because I continually was battered with “Angie, you need to love yourself,” I thought that meant I didn’t love myself. In truth, I love myself beyond comprehension, beyond words. I always have. I just haven’t recognized that I did. I didn’t know how to express love to myself in a way that I would understand. I didn’t know my own self-love language. It is different than how I receive love from others. I didn’t know that until just recently. Now, I see the truth. I love myself so much and in ways that other people don’t recognize as love and it is conveyed through a love language that is unique to me.
Could that be true for you too?